A Funny Thing: Regret

It's hard for me to not regret decisions that I made in my past. I went to Linfield tonight with Chelsea to see Spring Awakening. And it was a really well done play. Worthy of the trip out there and really very beautifully done. And it's times like that where I look at my decision to leave and I see what I walked out on. I walked out on being the head person in another organization. I left being the lighting designer for the next 3 years of shows. And I know that I did. And when I look at that knowing how much I really do love doing it... I regret that. I regret that I didn't stick with it and become even better at it and more amazing. And i had a lot of good connections there that I could have utilized. And it is times like that where I wonder what direction in life I would be in.

And I don't regret it in like a "I wish I could go back and change it" way but in a that was a good direction that I could have gone but chose not to. And it makes me have regret because I don't know if in ten years I will look back and wish I had done things differently. But I think that just wasn't where I was supposed to be. And for that I am happy that I moved. I am happy with where God is taking me in my life and the opportunities that I have. But it just sort of puts me in an odd frame of mind to go back there and think about where I was at the time. Who I was. And it all just seems so strange to look at what I thought my life was then. And where I thought I was going. But it is all so different from what I pictured. And not in a bad way but just in a different way. So different.

For our french midterm today my professor did a listening activity about the jobs that she has done in her life. And I thought it was really interesting how she had so many jobs. And I haven't had that. But what was more interesting was her story of how being a teacher was the last thing that she ever wanted to do. But yet then she did and she loves it. It makes me wonder if I am going that route... The last thing I ever wanted to be was a foreign language teacher because of my mom being one. And now suddenly I am thinking it could be a good route... It just seems so crazy how all these decisions that I face have so many different influences on the direction of my life. It just seems surreal.