About anyone who saw last nights post... i get angry or frustrated and upset and my instinct is to strike back at anyone around. I self implode. I;m so frustrated and trapped here. I feel soooo trapped. And stuck. I feel a lot of pressure because of everything.
I'm just sick of everyone here being so perfect. And dressing so perfect. And talking so perfect. And acting so perfect. And last night i went to Colloquium and it was all about how awesome Linfield is and perfect and there's always someone to talk to and get help from and i've made so many good memories and blah blah blah. And i was just like please just get me out of here... I don't feel that way here. I hate it here. The room has made it standable but i hate it!!! I HATE IT. And i think Lighting is not what i want. The lifestyle that goes with it would not be worth it. And i don't want to light a stage for the rest of my life. And i don't want to live in a city. Or travel all the time. Or do 16 internships. Which apparently everyone around here has done. And volunteers 60 hours a week. Its just so stupid here! People look at you like you're an alien if you wear sweats. Like good god this is COLLEGE people. NOT THE FRICKIN' MISS AMERICA PAGEANT!!!!!!!! It just sucks here. And no one really believes me but i hate it and it sucks. And no there are not many nice people here. There aren't.
But i'm upset. Still. And its not getting better.
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