New Year 2012

So i've been staying at Spencer's which has been fun. Lots of watching video games and stuff. Eli's little brother and sister came over yesterday so we played with them and entertained them until 2am... They're 10 and 12 so i dunno how they were up so late. But it was fun. I helped Megan make mac and cheese with bacon which is surprisingly good but we had to make 3 boxes. Yesterday when we were grocery shopping i started feeling really dizzy. I dunno if it was my claustrophobia of all the people in the store because there was a lot of people there or if it was being dehydrated. I hate always getting dehydrated in the winter. It SUCKS. But i just went and sat in the car and later i felt better. I actually slept on my air mattress last night which was much better than the couch. Now i'm not as sore.

I'm honestly not very excited for the new year. I mean i know that it's supposed to be about starting over and making decisions to change parts of your life and al this stuff. But what is so different between this set of 365 days than the last set? I guess the Olympics. But i mean it's really all the same... I guess i'm just not very pumped up about it because i don't really have anything to celebrate about the new year. Its just a different date that i'll have to remember. But i'll still be going to college. And i'll still be the same person. And i'm not planning on trying to start over with who i am because let's face it the last time was a complete disaster. So i guess.... I'm just not ll that excited is all. I will probably have fun celebrating it. But other than that? Eh.

Kinect at Thads

Went to my Friend Thads today. It was really fun. We played Kinect for the Xbox and i thought that i wouldn't like it and it would be weird but it was really fun. I think more fun than Wii... I totally beat him a few times. I had him 4 to 1 at one point but then he started picking games that i suck at! The Kinect takes pictures of yu though which is really weird. But it was fun. Then his mom made chicken enchilada casserole and it was good. And we played a game of League. He said i did pretty good. On beginner bots... Lol. Oh well. I like being good even if it's against an easy target.

Tomorrow i;m going to Monmouth with Spegan for a few days. So that should be really chill and easy going. Lots of watching games I hope. I really like doing that.

I;m getting nervous for going to another college again. I;m not sure that i'm the college type... I mean i know i get good grades and stuff but living on campus is just like:

It just sucks. And that was mostly the primary reason for going to WOU honestly. I need to be able to live off campus next year. I really hate not ever feeling like i'm leaving school. So i really need to be somewhere that will allow that for me sooner than 3 years from now.

We Bought a Zoo

Dad and I went and saw this movie today and it was cute. This actress stole the entire movie. She was so good and so cute! Gah! Adorable. I want to see her in more movies! But that's pretty much been the day. I just made cupcakes. It was supposed to be 24 but it was only 12 because I ate some batter and filled the 12 to much. But they are hopefully turning out alright.

I have a cold recently so I've been sneezing and runny nosing and eye watering and blech. :-(

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas World/ readers! Even though i've probably seen you all to say it in person! I had a great bunch of Christmas get togethers and it's not even over! I have Bramblewood Christmas/New Years to come. It will be fun.

I liked seeing all my family. That was really nice. Oh! And the cousins and us are set to camp on June 22-24 at Silver Falls! Yay! Officially booked and everything so that no one can get out of it like last year... But yay!

I got lots of good stuff this year! It was great including some new hubcaps (take that bitches at Linfield who stole mine!) And some turtle stickers for my car! Clothes, perfume, scarves, blanket, and much more! I like it. Megan found the $250 sunglasses and gave them to me. So now i need to get a case for them! Got some nice driving and biking gloves and super cute calendar. But mostly i got to see everyone in my family and see people get cool stuff. Thats what i like. This year seemed to be a lot about scarves and alcohol. Not too much but just socially. It was kinda cool. We got a bunch and then the cousins brought 2 cases of mikes and suddenly everywhere was alcohol! Interesting. No one got totally drunk or anything but yep.

My friend Niki commented on my Facebook Merry Christmas to me. So i told her mele kalikimaka because she's Hawaiian! :-) Win.

I'm going to...

I decided that i'm going to...

WOU!!!!!

Officially.

I had decided it before because i figured that i couldn't afford to go to Fox because they wouldn't give me enough money.  I decided this before i got my financial aid and stuff. I was okay with either school. I signed up for classes for WOU and everything, and then i got my financial aid... It would have been cheaper for me to go to Fox. Which then screwed me up because then i was freaking that i hadn't made the right decision. So. Then i had to relook at things. But i decided that i need to go someplace that's comfortable. I;m tired of having to live up to all these expectations of what i should be based on the stuff i did in high school. I wanna go somewhere where i don't have to pretend or try too hard to be more outgoing and different. Because that's just not who i am. I'm not very outgoing. And yeah while i should work on that i shouldn't throw myself into something that makes me miserable. Not to say i would have been at Fox. But i just want something easy right now. I don't want to keep pushing past what i can do. 

I also am not sure that I wanted to go someplace that forces me to read the bible and go to mass. It just doesn;t feel right. I'd rather do it because i want to not because i'm forced to. So yeah.

Bears

 

You have to keep them in the fridge though. Or else they go bad. 

Another Personality thing

http://personality.visualdna.com/1/results/11196693/

Salamander!

Today was pretty uneventful. Except not... I woke up early because i thought that i was going to go with Kristen to Hillsboro except then she had to help her mom. So then i was up for no reason. I decided that i'd hang christmas lights from our house because i like them and no one else has any interest in doing them... But i want them. So i was looking for them and a ladder when Spencer came home. And i thought he would help me but he went to sleep. So i found the lights and then found a ladder when Mr. Courtain came and got dads trailer. He got mad at me for the chance of me being on a ladder and fallng and no one being home. But it was literally a 4 ft ladder. If i fell the worst would be me getting a bruise... Yeah. So it was a litle ncalled for in my opinion but i guess he was just looking out for me. But in the rocess of looking for a ladder i found a baby salamander! I almost stepped on him except for i saw a bunch of leaves move and was like what?!

But he was adorable. I woke up Spencer and showed him and then put him back. But he was so cute.

Then i went to Winterfest. Which was nice because i got to see some teachers and stuff. Got my Godspell script from Barnett but it was blue so that was a little odd. Saw Cassidy who looked amazing. She's like the most gorgeous person i know. For reals. So when she like dresses up she looks like a runway model.  They had some of the mormon kids do a dance and it was amazing like with flipping of girls and stuff. Really cool like old fashion dance. I stood up and slow clapped for them. It was the best part. I enjoyed it.

Then i went home and spencer was awake so i asked him to help with lights. But i didn't have the right hooks. So we waited for dad to come home and he couldn't find the old ones so we went to get new ones. But when we go there mom said she knew where they were so it was kinda a waste... Oh well. Got a few more Christmas presents. And we had Spaghetti!!! So good!!! I loved it. Megan doesn't like it so we don't have it very often. But i like it! So it was good. Spencer and his friends lost their League of Legends Tourney. So kinda sucky for them. But i made chocolate covered Gummi Bears this year. Like legitimately. I may post a pic tomorrow if i remember. But i'm really tired. So i'm out. 

I was a Princess...

So i think i did okay at having someone at my house. I always feel awkward being hostess or whatever... But i think it went well. After Sami left i helped dad take down scaffolding and then we went Christmas shopping. I was at a loss about whether to get my younger girl cousin make-up. I feel like it is very age appropriate to get some for a 6th grader. Like some lip gloss or whatever. But I hope i;m not crossing a line... But if i am then so be it. Because as her older cousin I feel like i should be able to get her some. It's not like i got her black eyeliner or anything just like pink an orange lip gloss and stuff... So hopefully it's all good.

Then we watched Crazy Stupid Love with Ryan Gosling who is a hottie. And then i went to the band concert with Brandy and Kristen and saw Josh. And then we met up with Kevin and Cole at Muchas afterwards. It was fun. I like my friends. They are good people. And Joe invited me to go see him in his church Christmas play on Sunday so i think i'll go. It was nice to be invited :-)

Tomorrow i get to go see my friend Cassidy be a Princess. I am excited! Makes me sorta miss those days. But not really.

Oh! George Fox!

They called yesterday and i was accepted! I think right now i'm hoping to be able to go here. But i dunno if it will work out. The admissions lady did say that i'd get the 8k scholarship for my gpa. So that's nice. I think it's just for the year though not each term. But we'll see. I was told that i could call the financial aid lady to know sooner. But i figured i should give her at least a day to figure it out. I might call her tonight though.

If i go there though i'll have to stop calling them the George Fox Foxes... :-/

Niki came by...

Niki came by today. She had to drop of the skateboard that she borrowed. But she stayed and we talked for a long time. She kinda vented about the other two and how things got a weird between them once i was gone. Sh stayed for about an hour or so. We talked and i showed her League and it sounds like she might try it out. But yeah then i asked if she wanted to go eat so we walked to Catty. It was nice. I feel like we could have been really close friends if everything hadn;t gone down like it had. She says she never stopped liking me but that she felt like she was being controlled by Ashley. Which... i could always see.

But it was nice to end things on a good note with her. :-)

Also i spent all my flex points! YEAH! Like a boss.

Lately...

Lately i've been paying a lot of League of Legends. Which is a really popular online game. I started playing because all of Spencer and the bramblewood family play. I like it. It gives me something to do and its fun. It also gives me a chance to not think about myself and concentrate on something. But i like it. They give me lots of pointers and stuff and play with me.

This weekend Oryan and Eli came home too. It's been fun and i can;t wait to not be at Linfield. I have to go back tomorrow though to get all my large stuff moved with dad into the truck. But just for two days and then i am done. Done. Done. Done.

We finished decorating for Christmas here. And i wrapped some presents. I want to wrap more though. I miss that most about Christmas. Also i don't really have many gifts for people. But.. EH. How much more stuff do people really need?

I think that i got accepted to George Fox. They sent me this like username and password to track my forms so I feel like that's good. But i don't know how to use it... It is confusing. But i have to wait to hear from them about financial aid anyways. Which is kinda a pain because i don;t have much time. Now I'm really torn though. I feel like I am kinda starting to fit in with all of Spencers friends. Which is nice. But i mean if i went there they're all graduating soon... So i dunno. But i like hanging out with them. I like having people to hang out with. And i know i could get that either place but its nice that i have it now...

I don't know if i'm Christian enough to go to George Fox. Like i don;t mind going to the religious stuff and i like it. But i kinda cuss and stuff so :-/ But i dunno. Probably hopefully this week George Fox will send me something. But ugh. I dunno. I feel like i really have more opportunity at George Fox career wise. But i feel like socially i may be better at fitting in at WOU... Decisions.

Finals on Tuesday and Wednesday and then i'm done.

Linfield Professors

For all the crap that Linfield has most of the professors are not. I mean my INQS one sure is. But my French professor and Ty are pretty awesome. My french teacher when he found out that i was leaving told me that i was welcome back to see class anytime. And he was serious. It was kinda nice even though i;d never do that. But it was cool. And then Ty wrote me a little thing and talked to me today that he hopes that i find the path that works for me. He;s sad to see me go but knows that i gotta find what works for me. And everyone is telling me to check in with them once in a while. Kinda weird. I mean i know that all my High School teachers have always been really supportive but it kinda threw me off that so are my college professors. I don't think that happens everywhere. Kinda nice, but kinda sad. 

Crosswalk

Yesterday i was standing at a cross walk with Sami. And it was really cold. And there were no cars. And the sign said "Don't walk" So i bunny hopped. Rebel.

Peer Editing

I hate peer editing. I always get stuck with the girl who forgets to bring my paper back to class. And then is "too busy" working on hers to bring it to me when i'm like literally a block away. When its her job and i'm getting screwed. This is why i hate working with other people. Because now is the day to turn it in and i can't fix mine because i don't have the mistakes! And she's like well i'll just leave it by the turn in box and you can grab it.

YEAH. Cause that helps me fix it now.

-.-'

No more Linfield

It is officially official. I will not be attending Linfield College anymore. I turned in my withdrawal form so I will not be returning. That means that i will be someplace else. The end.

This is how i feel:

 :-)

Happy to have made a decision.

Fete de lumieres

I want. To go. Now. It's this big light festival in Lyon, France where everyone puts lights or candles in their windows and then lots of lighting designers hep put up special lights all over the city. It looks AMAZING. When i go to France i want to go during this time.

Radio

I hate the radio. Every freaking time.

Well...

I don't feel very good. I want to throw up again...

We're no longer friends on Facebook... Because i chose it. I love him too much. And when other girls i don't know say things on his profile... I can't do it. I got sick. For now i can't do it. And i told him that and why. 

I'd prefer for no one to respond to this in any way.

No Title.

Spent the weekend with the Bramblewood family. Then i went and watched amazing Race wih thad. 4 days this week. And then finals next week. I have to make a decision.

Dandelions

I just want to blow on one of these frickin' dandelions and wish for my life back.

Well crap...

Today i woke up at spencers in the couch... Like i pushed the cushions half way out and was in the crack between the sofa and cushions. It was fine though. I woke up and beat Kingdom Hearts 1. And then started playing Kingdom Hearts 2. It's been chill.

Mostly the title is reflecting my financial aid to WOU. They offered me loans. But not any scholarship. At all... Which is kinda dumb i think because i am still considered to be a first year student. But i mean nothing? Really? Nothing? Not even anything? No merit? No nothing? How am i supposed to like that? I'm kinda upset by this fact.

That's what I hate about my life right now. I worked my frickin' butt of in High school. I think few people can say that on many days they were there for 14 hours straight at least 2 days a week. I did a lot. And i took on a lot. And I frickin' stressed myself out and was really awesome and now no one cares. It just doesn't matter. Sometimes it all feels like a dream. Because my life now if like a complete 180. Its like my life ended almost and now I'm in this new crappy one. And it frickin' sucks. And I'm angry about it. I'm angry that this happened and i went to this crap college and now no one even wants me anywhere else. Like. What the hell. Seriously. Now i feel like i have to stay. Because no one anywhere else seems to give a . So i'm angry.

Biking with Stuff

In an effort to spend some money i went on a shopping spree at the little store place thing. I think that i'm going to go to Monmouth so i decided that i would take some stuff there. What i didn't think about was how i got a bunch of sodas and heavy stuff and now had to get it back to my dorm across campus on my bike... I had 3 really big bags o stuff and it was really heavy. I had one of those clips for climbing so i hooked everything to my Backpack. I couldn't get it on though because everything was so heavy. But eventually i did. And they all swung to one side. SO there i was leaning all of my weight to the opposite side in order to keep myself upright. And i made it! It was a Christmas miracle! And i didn't even fall this time. Skill i know.




But now i'm at about $140ish. I spent $90. So at least i made a pretty good dent.

They're still doing some kind of work in my dorm. Banging on stuff. Its giving me a headache. And my room shakes. Is like when the train comes by and my bed shakes but it's like my entire room... Ugh.

Renaming Ceremony.

I have officially renamed this blog from "My College Life as a Wildcat" to "My Life as a ?".

I think the new title more accurately describes where i am it in my college changing process. And i thought it was a good time to rename it. So this is my renaming ceremony. Complete with a piece of chocolate. Done.

Gold and Green

I had a french test today. I feel like i did okay but not very good... I couldn't remember what un facture was and it was a bill. But i had to paraphrase it so i just said i didn't remember. Pity points maybe? Probably not. But oh well. I liked sleeping in today which was nice. 

The admissions lady at GF called me and said yeah it was still possible to get into it for Spring which is after Christmas break. So i applied. I probably can't afford it. But at least i'm trying. So who knows... 

Today for my last Colloquium class we dd this like personality test that i had done before. About like your leadership style or whatever. And the colors were Gold, Green, Blue, and Orange. I got Gold and Green. I was a full gold though. Which is the rarest of the four. And the opposite of blue which is the color that most people our age get. That was my least color...

TRADITIONAL GOLD

• Respects Authority Rules, Routines, Policies.
• Alligant, Faithful, Dependable, Prepared, Efficient.
• Remembers The Traditions That Work. Values Family.
• Work Comes Before Play. Practical. Systematic. Orderly.
• Identifies With Groups. Strives For A Sense Of Security.
• Thorough, Sensible, Convential, Proper.
• A Right Way To Do Everything. Stick-To-Itivness.
• Evaluates Actions As Right Or Wrong.
• Stable. Organized. Punctual. Helpful. 

Here is another link so you can see how true it is: http://bestmarriages.com/colors/resultgl.shtml

But i am clearly that... a things that stuck out to me was:

• Golds need... to feel a sense of belonging at home, at work, at school, in the community, or in any group with which they are involved.  Feeling like an outsider or outcast is very disturbing to them.  

Yeah... Not surprised. But after that whole thing i took Sami and Katie to buy stuff... on the way there I saw Niki by herself and offered to buy her something. This was the first time i'd actually talked to her since everything but I just felt like i wanted to offer. She said no thanks but later she texted me saying she's sorry for how our friendship ended and she hoped i could forgive her and stuff. I said it was alright and I hadn't been holding it against her. But i think it was good. So yeah. I'd been wanting to talk to her about it for a while so maybe when she comes to give back the skateboard we can talk a little. That'd be good.  

No crap class tomorrow!

Yay! I don't have that crap class tomorrow! Its a miracle! There hasn't been much going on to really talk about. i've been trying to keep myself busy. But its still really really lonely here. I'm excited to not have to come back... Though i still have some mixed feelings. I want to go to Fox now. Like a lot. I liked the sense of community there. I feel like i'd be a nobody at WOU. Like not anyone special. And i like being special... But it probably won't work out which sucks... :-/ Why did i pick here first... boo.