It's all just so Complex...

I told my theatre professors that i was thinking about transfering. They seemed really sad. And wanted to kno why. I knew they would be upset. But i've always been a people pleaser...

I always hate to disappoint people. So i end up not standing up for myself and deciding that i can deal with a situation because i don't want to disappoint people. And that's something that's not good a lot of the time because then i worry more about what other people want rather than what i want.

Of all the things at Linfield the theatre is the shining light. I like that theatre. I like the professors. But i don't want to have to act... And if i want to major then i have to... But i just don't want to. I'm not interested in it. I feel awkward doing it. I look awkward doing it. It makes me nervous and is not fun. I've never been good at getting adrenaline. I hate it. I never played heads up 7 up or sparkle or any of those group games because i felt put on the spot. I feel that way with acting. I just don't care... I don't see actors being made to do lights... so... why should i have to do theirs? I know they have to do something but i mean for serious? I don't agree.

I don't want to write anymore right now.